The Fashionista

So, you’re the darling now! Bursting onto the scene after years of obscurity. In Australia nobody knew who you were until recently. Now everybody wants to be seen with you. You’re the perfect one. Poised with all the graciousness of a midnight blue princess, shimmering in your silvery shroud of protective armour, you add a welcoming soupçon of style and sophistication to the ordinary. Being with you, a part of you, changes people’s perception of those who shamelessly hustle and bustle for prime position. Even the boorish, cantankerous, and fatuous are elevated to a giddy height of respectability.

No wonder accolades flow like the mighty rivers in flood. No wonder your vanity grows.

The clickety, click, click, click of camera shutters, radiant hues of studio lights and a myriad of props constantly surrounds you. Social media platforms, the glossy magazines and the tabloids just can’t get enough of you. You’ve even got your own Instagram and Facebook pages. Now that’s very cool for the likes of you. Celebrities, gym junkies, the jetsetters - all crave your presence.

Your popularity has multiplied at a staggering rate, but not everyone can appreciate your extraordinary qualities. From a distance, ordinary folk long to see what all the fuss is about. Marketing hype is one thing, your price tag is another. So, they ask are-you-really-worth-it?

Well, I guess there’s no chance of any dissenting voices once the Brussels affair was out. Another coup for you. Racking up more accolades and seducing the harshest critics. You’ll be up there with our other doyennes Cate and Nicole, Kylie and Delta, Yvonne and Ash, Liane, and Mem. It just wouldn’t be Australian to mow down one-of-our-own, so now your rise to international stardom will cement your fame. Your hedonistic qualities unquestionable.

An Australian berry, birthed from the humble location of Lismore, you were awarded one of the highest honours in the world of taste. Some of the world’s best food and drink experts, seated in earnest silence at separate tables, rigorously appraised your attributes against the International Hedonic Sensory Analysis criteria. Now that’s serious stuff. You scored 91.8 and were granted a three-star Superior Taste Award.

Well bugger me if that isn’t grand! Eureka, you’re won the Jack Pot and Eureka by name.

So, what makes you so special? Your perfectly shaped orbs, massive for your kind, often the width of a dollar coin? Your colouring of midnight blue, the kind seen when staring into the universe on a cool clear night? The silvery glaucous covering that shimmers like the Milky Way? Is it the spicy vanilla fragrance? Yes, it’s all of these, but the quirkiest surely must be the ‘crunch factor.’ And it’s an exact science, measured by a Durofel meter. Known as the ‘bursting energy’ you scored 96. That’s extraordinary.

So now, not only are you a powerhouse of vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and fibre, low in calories, enjoyed by young and old alike, and touted as one of The Superfoods, you the Eureka Bl’oo’, that is the Eureka Bl’oo’berry will soon be sought all over the world.